bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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