pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It was confusing and full of hummus
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
