I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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