I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
