Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
