Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We got so high we made milksteak
I love having hate sex.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
