Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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