I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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