she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
