I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I've blown a few things in my day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
