What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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