He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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