You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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