Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
two words...techno handjob
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
