Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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