I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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