What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
