i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
