bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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