Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
