YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
