New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
