When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
