Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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