dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
