Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
