sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
did you just send me my own nude
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
