The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
