checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
