I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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