I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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