I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
