hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
