How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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