Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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