my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I party with great urgency now.
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