I can't watch pbs sober anymore
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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