He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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