Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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