It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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