So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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