I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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