omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
