The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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