he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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