I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
