i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
