I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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