i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
