Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
