So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
