so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
