I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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