dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
