And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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