If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
