how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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