U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
